Ten years ago today, in the late morning, I felt my first labor pains for my third child. It was around 11 a.m. and I called my husband at work, but he was not available. I told his boss that I didn’t think I needed him to come home yet. I phoned my best friend who was also unavailable as she was at her local library for story hour. I was receiving my pre-natal care from Dr. Ian Grable in Boston, MA. They assured me that there was no time to make it to Boston and please call the ambulance to get to Women & Infants in Providence. They assured me all my medical records would be fax’d over to the hospital before my arrival. I began to panic as this was not the way things were supposed to happen. It’s not how I had envisioned the delivery process of this precious child that we had prayed for so diligently all these weeks. But our loving Father in Heaven had it all planned out. His timing is perfect and His ways are always perfect. He knew exactly what I needed for this day to be a sweet memory for our family. I had my 6 year old go to the next door neighbor to help with him and his almost 2 year old brother.

It was a beautiful day with the sun shining, much like today. I knew that I could not handle this alone and phoned my church to ask for a prayer chain to get going.  It was then that I realized that the LORD would carry me through this with His strength and grace.  As my best friend raced to my home to be with me and my husband started the half hour drive home, I felt reality setting in. Was I scared? Oh yes! We didn’t know whether this child was a boy or a girl…all my other pregnancies we knew the sex of the child and called them by name from around 20 weeks in the pregnancy.  We knew from 19 weeks in this pregnancy that our child was not expected to live. We had picked out the names Josiah for a boy and Grace for a girl. We knew the LORD had a plan for this child and we wanted the child’s name to show our dependence upon Him. As my best friend, my husband, and the ambulance all arrived within minutes of each other, I felt peace. God’s peace that passes understanding. I also felt strong…it was weird. My first two pregnancies did NOT have easy deliveries. Somehow I knew this one was going to be different and I was not afraid. It was the prayers of the brethren and loved ones that were covering me. God was going to take care of me and I knew that. And oh how the LORD has taken care of us! Not only during the pregnancy from 19 weeks to 34 weeks when our child was delivered, but also during the delivery, and during the journey of grief that we have been on ever since.

I am grateful to the LORD for the many sweet memories I have of that day. I was alert and able to take much of it in and have been able to keep the memories clear in my mind these 10 years. They are good memories. They are sweet memories. They are profitable memories. My husband and I have grown closer to the LORD and each other through this journey. Through His grace and strength, we have been able to help minister to other hurting families and share God’s comfort with them. This journey of grief has been a time that I would not trade for anything in the world.

So today on this gorgeous sunny day, we are remembering our precious Josiah and thanking the Lord for the time we had with him. We have plans to make a cross and plant a tree when the weather warms up in our yard. We will look through his scrapbook and open the heart-shaped box with roses on it that the hospital gave to us with his hat and blanket and clothes that all still have his scent on them. We will make the trek to RI to visit his grave and leave some flowers there and praise the LORD that his soul is in Heaven. Sure, we may shed some tears today, but be assured that the tears are bittersweet. God’s ways are perfect and we rest in His promise that we will one day be reunited with Josiah in Heaven. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

His Perfect Plan

Ten years ago, my life was changed in an instant

that moment that I held you in my arms

will never be forgotten.

God formed you perfect in His image for His purpose

a purpose that we may never fully understand

this side of Heaven.

My sweet little Josiah, so perfectly created by the

One who knows the plan.

Your fingers, your toes

your sweet little nose.

He knows my every heartache

and captures every teardrop…

your brief life here on earth was not for naught.

The journey of these past 10 years

have been filled with grief and true JOY.

God knew exactly what He was doing when

He gave you to us.

It may have only been for less than 2 hours

but through those mere minutes

we felt His love and power.

Over the past 10 years,

He has covered us in comfort,

a comfort that brings true JOY.

The folks that have “met” you through His perfect plan

will forever be touched

and I praise the LORD for bringing you

my precious little boy.

Continue on my precious child,

I look forward to the day we will be reunited in Heaven

according to His perfect plan.

Love you forever,

Mama 3/8/2010

Happy 10th Birthday Josiah Thomas Morrison!